Today it's been 4 months since she's been gone. So much has changed in these past 4 months. Her family has expanded by two. And as I looked through my files of pictures for something to post for today... these pictures caught my eye right away.
It doesn't get any easier without you. Coming to terms with your departure was by far the hardest thing I've done in my whole life. Everything, every day reminds me of you. There's nothing that I do that doesn't make me think about you... that doesn't make me want to walk over to your bedroom, open the door, and share it with you. My life, my stories, my accomplishments, my kid's accomplishments, my troubles and problems (which are the majority as always), and even all my craft projects that you know you LOVED me sharing with you. It's hard not having anyone around to listen to me. It's just very hard. I miss you immensely.
Jr bought her this T-shirt as a joke (he bought me an identical one) but my Mom wore it out. Most nights she was wearing it to bed. If you look at it now... it's EXTREMELY worn out.
Two things come to mind when I see this picture. First... Boy did she love my brother. She rarely told us straight flat out that she loved us... but she did express to me MANY MANY times that she loved my brother. I hope he knows exactly how much. He is her baby boy. Big baby... but her baby nevertheless. And second... her laugh was so loud and contagious. I have to get the loud laugh from her. When she laughed you could hear her across the whole house.
This is my most favorite picture I ever took of my parents. I know it's not even their faces but it says so much to me. It shows how united they have always been. Not perfect but perfect together. The skin color difference, and the differences didn't stop there. They were very different but complimented each other so well. I love how my Dad's hand is over my Mom's like he's guiding her, like he's protecting her, and as domininant as my Mom was... my Dad was always the subtle King. And last but not least... her nails always done, her Tiffany's bracelet that she hinted so much for, and their wedding rings. <3
My Dad's 50th Birthday Fiesta. For someone who has no interest in planning parties she helped me from start to finish to put together a big bash for my Daddy. She was so happy to be able to do it and was excited when the day finally came. Every detail perfect.
Sunglasses = Mom
Enough said =)
She loved my Husband... they had some special bond that I probably couldn't ever understand. And they are so identical it's scary. I see my Mom in him all the time.
He was always behind her. Nothing he wouldn't do for her.
Our last Family gathering. Thanksgiving 2009. Her very most favorite holiday. What a beautiful family.
She loved being a Grandma. Even though she said she was too young to be a "Jamma" they were her whole world. I know she loved them more than her own children. They made her, angry, crazy, and happy all at the same time. You could tell by the way she held them, the way she looked at them, and she bragged about them all the time... showing them off like her greatest accomplishments. And they sure love her too. Each one with a different but special relationship with her. Diego was her buddy, her baby, her best friend. Alayna was the one she would argue with, both stubborn, but then they would be cuddled together. And Arielle was her pride and joy... being that she was/is so little I am not sure what attached my Mom to her. But she was quite obsessed with her.
And lastly... there's me:
She rarely told me, she never expressed her feelings, but she loved me. It was unspoken but I knew. She was never the mushy, gushy, lovey-dovey type... even though I was all over her all the time. Hugging her, kissing her, telling her she was special. She always said to me, "You smother me just like your Dad does... get off me! You guys are identical!" I never listened. And no she wasn't mean, that was her. And that was her love. She would do anything for me and no matter what I did she protected me, backed me up, forgave me, and loved me. She was always there. She is always here. She's my number one... even though she complained that in my eyes I was "Daddy's Girl"... Truth be told... I was more a Mama's girl than anything. She is my idol.
I love you Mom. You truly are number one.
