I Need to Vent

So most of the time I use this blog to tell a story about my life... show off my kids... display my pictures... and express different emotions. So today I am venting.

I hate to talk about religion... it's not my thing... I don't like when other people do it so I feel like I don't want to either. Everyone has their own opinions.

About 3 years ago when Jr and I started to plan our wedding... the most important thing to me was that we were married in the church. Since I was a little girl I always dreamed of the perfect dream wedding... the church, the limo, my Daddy giving me away... the whole nine yards ya know? So being that I am Catholic it's something I really wanted. Jr was raised Catholic but never baptized. And out of boredom when he was 16 or so he baptized himself Christian. Crazy? Yes. But that's Jr. So he's never really been a religious type of person. Just a bored kid with nothing better to do. And that's fine with me. Like I said I don't try to push my beliefs on anyone else... him included.

Back to my story, when we decided to actually start planning a wedding, I called my church and signed up for the pre-marital classes. I was excited... Jr wasn't, but he sucked up and went for me. After the first class he was pretty excited because he found out that we weren't focusing on just religion... but more on us as a couple. By our 2nd class we were all told to introduce ourselves. Jr and I were the youngest couple he was only 19 and I was 20 and I was also pregnant with Alayna at the time. I'm not sure if it was just his personality but starting that day the Deacon made us feel like we were the worst people on earth. First it was "oh you're too young to get married", then it was "oh and you're already living together", then "this isn't your first baby... you have a son from a previous relationship", and finally "your fiance is not Catholic"? It bothered me that he made all these judgements as I call them... because he had a look of disgust as he talked with us one on one. Sure I am not perfect. I am the first to admit that. And neither is Junior. But we genuinely have love for each other and out kids. And yes 3 years ago it was no different. Just because we've done things a little out of order I don't believe that it makes us any less worthy of being married in the Catholic church. I am still Catholic, I still have my faith and beliefs.

So I put my feelings aside about how they were treating us and continued on with the process. I was kinda used to in anyway because ever since I had Diego people in general looked at me as being incapable of caring for a child. His Dr's would seem annoyed when I'd ask a million an two questions at his appointments. Kids don't come with a manual and raising and caring for him, and now my other 2 babies, is something I am learning along the way. And I thought that these marriage classes were supposed to help Jr and I learn about each other, our beliefs, and life in general, not determine if we're qualified to be married. But of course there was another road block. Once we picked the date which in which we wanted to be married... we sat down with the Deacon to discuss it. He started explaining the rules about being married in the church. Like how we could only have a certain amount of people in our wedding party, we couldn't write our own vows... we had to stick to our standard mass, we couldn't do a special set of vows to our children, and more. I told him our complete wedding party (which they consider anyone who walks down the aisle) was 26 people. I know it's a lot. But these are the very most important people in our lives... standing up for us and supporting out decision. Amongst them our parents, my 2 grandparents still left alive since all of Jr's have passed away, our 13 bridesmaids and groomsmen, and 6 ring bearers and flower girls. And I know that doesn't seem like a big deal but it just wasn't turning out the be what I had hoped for.

So long story short we opted to have an outdoor ceremony in a beautiful park. Our officiant sat down with us and listened to everything we wanted in a ceremony. I wanted a long procession with all the most important people in our lives. We wanted to present our mothers with roses to let them know how much we appreciate them. I wanted for us to be able to write our own vows and read them to each other. Jr had suggested doing a ring ceremony with Diego and Alayna as well. And this impressed me because he wanted for Diego to look back when he's older and realize how much Jr loves him and Alayna both the same. And we got to do all this. I also wanted my family to be able to sing and read scripture at my ceremony... and our officiant met all of our requests and more. He personalized our ceremony to suit us as a couple. I couldn't have asked for anything better. And from that moment on I have been a little upset with the way the church runs. Every time I try and be more involved with the church again... I am steered away because I am not some cookie cutter definition of "perfect".

Now a month ago after Arielle was born I sat down with Jr and we discussed baptizing her. From the very beginning he agreed that our children would be baptized and raised Catholic because it's something that was important to me. I want them to learn what I know and go through their classes and receive each of their sacraments the way I have. I told him I really wanted to find a new church closer to us and start going to mass on Sundays. I also told him that he was invited to join us but I wasn't going to force him. He agreed that we should all go as a family.

We were also asked to be Godparents to my best friend's daughter Arianna. Both of us were honored to be asked and last week I started calling around to find a church to baptize her in. My church won't do it because she doesn't live in the area and neither do I. She barely misses the cut off though. This makes me upset. We can't baptize her there because we don't live in the area? So I ask her if we become members of the church can we do it then. She said no. So I called almost every church in the Phoenix area. At least 15 of them. And all of them had different reasons why we can't baptize either Arielle or Arianna in their church. Some said both Godparents have to be baptized Catholics. Which doesn't work because Jr isn't. Some churches said only one Godparent must be fully initiated Catholics which is good for us... but then said no because we don't live in the area. It was one thing after another. And then some said only one Godparent has to be Catholic but we couldn't do it because we're not married in the Catholic church. We NEVER win! Finally after 2 weeks of calling around and actually visiting most of these churches... my best friend decided that we're baptizing Arianna at the church that is in her area... and I will be the only Godparent since they won't let Jr baptize her. He's bummed but as he said... he'll always be her Nino and he doesn't need a paper saying that he is to love her unconditionally as a Godfather would do.

So I am more annoyed than ever before. Arianna will be baptized on June 29th. But we still cannot find anywhere to baptize our daughter Arielle. Because even though her Godparents are baptized Catholic... neither of them have done their first communion or confirmation. And my cousin who we asked to be her Nina... goes to church every Sunday and is even starting her classes this fall to do her sacraments.

I know there are rules... but sometimes it's ridiculous what we have to go through.