Telling Diego

I dreaded this the most. When I woke the kids at 4am in the morning to be taken to my cousin's house... I still didn't even know what was going on. Luckily for most of the day my cousin and her husband kept all 3 kids at their house while we went to my Dad's. Lots of people were bringing food, coffee, desserts, and everything they could think of. I napped off an on the rest of the morning.

By late afternoon our kids were finally on their way to my parent's house. I was so nervous. Jr and I couldn't sit still. Once they arrived and before they had a chance to see everyone's crying faces we pulled Diego aside and walked him straight into what used to be their bedroom. And the first thing out of his mouth was, "Where's my Jamma?" But as we took a few seconds to answer his smile quickly faded. My Mom always said he was 6 going on 30... and I know she was right. It is such a blur what I told him exactly... but I know I started out with... "You know Jamma has been sick for a while... and this morning we had to go to the hospital to be with her again. And I'm sorry baby, but she died..." And that's when I lost it. And so did he. Diego has always been smarter and more maturer than kids his age and he knows what it means to die. Jr and I held him for like 10 minutes and let him cry. And we cried. How hard it is to tell your 6 year old son that they greatest person in his life has just passed away. My heart was completely broken for him. I had her for 25 years. And he didn't. We told him she loved him the best always. He was her baby. Her buddy. and as long as he never forgot her she would always live in his heart. Because physically we would no longer get to see her... but in his heart she can live forever. In his memories she could live forever. And that would never die. Jr had a hard time seeing him that way. So I asked Diego if there was anything he wanted to say or if he had anything to ask... I didn't want him holding anything in. He asked, "Was it because she smoked?" I explained to him smoking was bad (he was always on her case about it) but assured him that it wasn't the cigarettes that caused it. Because I know Diego and he'll start to worry about Jr next and his smoking. He worries about everything enough as it is. Then he choked out, "That means I won't get to see her again and I can;t even kiss her anymore." And his crying began all over again. And again my heart broke. I wish I could shelter him from everything, I wish I could magically take away all his pain. I am 25... I can handle it. It would take time but I can deal. But my 6 year old was dealing with emotions that I never had to deal with until I was 20 years old when my Grandpa passed away. I had years of memories and stories of my Abuelito... where as he won't have that. It's unfair.

Grandpa came and joined us soon after and we held him and cried some more. And we agreed that we'd make a scrapbook all about her. Diego's main concern was that his new sister will never get to meet her. And we want to make sure that all his sisters remember their Jamma and that he never forgets her as well.